As you know I'm a very emotional person though it isn't obvious. In fact showing them is part of my problem, since when I don't, I go a little crazy from it. I vent a lot. To myself mostly, but here it goes.
I sit here thinking of what to write, but words fail to come to my mind. After a while of intense contemplating, a few do come to my head, but by themselves.
Anger.
Frustration.
Hurt.
Anxiety.
I now realise that these words were not really something to say or write about. These were emotions that I felt. Today was not a good day. I woke up with one of those feelings of 'oh jeez, wrong side of the bed' even though there is only one side of the bed I can get out of since it is against the wall. After that deja vu moment I was fine for the time being, the day started off well. A good breakfast, some light teasing from my friends. The last full day of school had that certain type of 'summer' gas in the atmosphere that everyone else was breathing in, but I couldn't, even though I could sense it.
One of the first reason why the day went bad is that I couldn't hang out with some friends I had promised to because of the teachers. They kept them back in class for break and in lunch, our drama teacher kept us in. Summer is in 2 days and I wouldn't see them again for two months, and I really wanted to hang out and catch up.
The second reason is that I realised that my friends were going to one of their houses and I didn't get invited because her 'quota' was filled. If they had told me that, I would have understood because she wanted me to come, but it wasn't possible. I would have been a little hurt I guess, but I would have understood. If I found out from someone else or tales of what had happened there, I got hurt more than what I would have. I mean, I thought that we were close enough friends for them to tell me and not hide it but I guess I was wrong. Fitting in is important to me because of what happened to me in my old school after I left. I thought I fitted in here finally and life is going pretty good, but I thought wrong I guess.
The third reason is that one of my closest friends got mad at me and another girl for no reason that I know of. I think that she got mad at me because I wouldn't show her something, but I did in the end and though it may not have seemed like a huge deal, it was to me. I treasure gifts with my heart. It was another sickening blow to my idea of where I was in the school.
Other reasons are that I'm anxiously awaiting my final grades. I really need to do well this semester. This is a lot of pressure on me already.
Till next time folks.
xx
Megs. :|
